Complex and more complex!

I want to close my eyes and then, after a while, open them up and find out that i'm happy.

i'm fucking tired of this confution, uncertainty, questions about me, and all that fucked up thougts that keep on being around in my head! I'm very fucking tired, all i want is LIVE!!! and be HAPPY! That's all i'm asking for, and then is the cuote: " I'm a fucked up girl, trying to find peace of mind ", and of course: "I don't need nice, I don't need myself to be it, and don't need anybody else to be IT at me!! "


All i want to do is enjoy what ever the fuck i'm doing!! It's being a while since i can't or, i don't know how to enjoy everything that i do, the sun, the stars, the day, the nigth, i feel myself senseless, It's not good it can't be good, and then i want to scape, to start from the begining . . . I'm a chaos right now and i don't want to, i want to learn to love every part of me, every thing that i do, stop questioning about it the why i'm doing it, and if it's sincere my intention, if it's what i really want, if theres something else, i'm not saticefied with me i know, with nothing that i do!! :( I beg for certainty to come to me, to security, to love from me to me, to be present, to no be a ghost!!! to myself or somebody else :(

And therapy is not going anywhere! I'm in crisis again!!